


if you wanna find love (then you know where the city is)

by meltedpuddles



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-05 21:20:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17332568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meltedpuddles/pseuds/meltedpuddles
Summary: The house (apartment) looks mildly trashed, with the stale smell of weed in the air. Now that I’m not drunk or high, I feel like me again. The me that is far too normal and young to be here.(Troubled boy meets mysterious boy and thinks he’s a coolest damn thing he’s ever seen)





	1. great escapes

 

She’s drunk for what feels like the seventh time this week, which probably is true. It’s Sunday and I think she’s been drunk every day that she could since she was nineteen. I have no idea how she keeps her job.

I’m standing in the kitchen and she waddles in. Her pupils are dilated I assume, but I can’t see them from my place behind the counter.

“What are you doing up?” she grumbles out, looking me up and down like she’s confused. I think she forgets I’m her son sometimes.

“I’m making toast,” I tell her. I could finish my sentence, make her feel guilty that I’m making myself toast for dinner like I have been for years because she’s never home to cook or at the very least, teach me to cook.

She just huffs and continues on her way, her arm brushing against my back on her trip to the fridge. She puts the bottle of vodka into the fridge’s door and goes back to the lounge room. I guess she’s done for the night.

I drop the butter knife in my hand and eat my toast standing up. I can move out soon, I’ve enough money in the bank for now, but paying off the water bill with my own money because mum’s bank got locked made it suffer. I’m almost old enough to move out. How refreshing.

I hear a bang and startle on the spot. Silence ensues. I am sick of this house.

 

* * *

 

 

On weekends I go out. I pretend my mother isn’t an absolute wanker and I find a bar or club to get into that’ll look past the fact that my ID is clearly fake. It’s normally pretty easy.

Tonight it’s The White. I’ve dressed up in some jeans and a seductive enough shirt that they let me in with just a quick glance at my ID. Typical.

The breeze that was blowing against the bare part of my chest dissipates when I walk inside, the air replaced with a warm, stuffy kind. I kind of hate it here.

I look around for Audrey, she should be here. She briefly texted me earlier saying she’d be here, so she better. I order a drink of cola at the bar and look around for her.

It takes a moment, but I’ve spotted her head in the crowd. She’s with people I haven’t seen before.

“Hey, Aud,” I call out when I get close, her head whipping around and her face branded with a big grin. She looks stunning.

“Brendon! You came!” she squeals, skipping over to where I’ve walked and giving me a massive hug. Her friends try not to stare. I smile at her.

“Of course I came, I would never miss out on a club night.”

She winks at me and drags me closer, yelling loudly: “Guys! This is Brendon and he’s my bestest best friend ever in the whole world.”

She’s already drunk, I can tell. I ignore it.

“This, my dear Bren,” she points to the first guy, “Is Gabe, he was here with his boyfriend I think but that guy left,” Gabe raises a hand in greeting and Audrey moves on to pointing at the other two, “And this is William and Ryan, okay?”

William is willowy with large blocks of eyeliner around his eyes while Ryan is a tall guy with too much hair. They seem alright. Not quite as loud as Gabe’s already proved to be.

“Brendon, what are you drinking?” Gabe asks quickly, reaching into his pocket as he says so.

I shrug and lift my glass, “Coke.”

Gabe pouts at me, his lips curling downwards and out, “That’s so boring.”

His hand comes out of his pocket to reveal a joint, “Wanna share this with us instead?”

William gasps and begins quickly clapping his hands, “Me too, me too!”

I feel a bit bewildered. I’ve just met the guy and he’s offering me drugs. I feel Audrey’s arm curl around my waist and shrug. I’ll turn down alcohol, but rarely drugs.

“Sure,” I tell him and watch as he grins and lights it with one of those 80’s steel lighters that people used before Bic took over. I like his style.

Gabe takes a long drag and puffs it out, his eyes blowing up in succession and partly in realisation.

“We should probably go out back for this,” Ryan suggests.

His voice is deeper than I expected and it seems he only talks when he has something to say. I like people like that. I stare at how dark his hair is for a moment longer before we all head out of The White’s back door.

The breeze becomes chilly on my chest where my buttons popped open yet again. I stare down at how clear of hair my chest is and shake my head at myself. My body is too stubborn and won’t let me mature.

“We’re free now!” William yells as we walk out, his high voice carrying through the alley we’ve found ourselves in. Gabe laughs full and deep in reaction, his joint quickly making it’s way over to Audrey, who takes a big breath of it from where she’s slung up against me. Sometimes I think I love her, but I know I don’t.

She lets out a giggle and passes the joint to me. I feel the group’s eyes on me as I lift it to my mouth and copy what Audrey did, coughing a bit when it goes in too quickly and goddammit, I’ve done it wrong.

“You ever smoked pot before?” Ryan asks suddenly, and I feel young.

“Of course,” I tell him, passing the joint to him once I’m done with it, “I just haven’t in a while.”

It’s not a lie, but it’s not the whole truth. The last time I smoked pot was also my first, about two months ago. Audrey and I were at some other club and it got offered. I don’t lie when I say I’ve never turned down drugs, I’ve only ever been offered twice.

Ryan takes a drag with ease and I envy him. I watch his lips as he does it and feel my stomach grumble in response.

“So, let’s get to know each other. How old are you guys? What’s your favourite colours? How many animals do you own?” Gabe asks suddenly, not being able to shut his mouth ever, apparently.

“I’m 23, my favourite colour is blue and I have a dog named Sally,” William says almost instantaneously, a grin on his face when Ryan hands the joint to him. Gabe laughs.

“Boo! You’re old, Bill. I, myself am a young, pretty and fresh 21 years of age,” Gabe says proudly with a hand placed on his hip in triumph. Audrey and I share a look.

“I’m 19,” Audrey says casually, “My favourite colour is purple and I can’t take care of myself let alone another life, so no pets for me.”

“Illegal!” Gabe yells, his voice hurting my ears before his mouth changes to a smirk, “Just kidding, I like your style. What about you, Brendon? Ryan?”

I gulp.

“I’m 21.”

It was Ryan who spoke first, beating me to it.

“I’m 18, I don’t have a favourite colour yet but it might be red and I have a cat named Augustus,” I say. It’s a lie, though I don’t let them know that. The reaction is similar to that of Audrey’s. They think I’m young. I am.

“Why the fuck would you ever name your cat Augustus?” William asks and I can see where his eyeliner has smudged around the corners from him constantly running his hands down his face. Nasty habit, no good for your skin.

Audrey just smiles, “It’s ridiculous, the first time I went to his house he called for Augustus the goddamned Cat with the highest, girliest voice ever.”

I give her a soft punch on her arm, instantly complaining that that isn’t something you tell people you’ve just met. I can see Ryan’s mouth twitch up in a miniscule smirk.

We smoke the joint until it becomes tiny and we’re all pleasantly buzzed and dazed. Gabe’s blue shirt hurts my eyes when I look at it and Ryan’s eyes are more enticing than ever. I don’t know why kids are told to not do drugs. It’s amazing.

“Hey Brendon, you okay?” Ryan asks me all of a sudden and for a moment I’m confused.

“What?”

Ryan frowns and I can see his brown eyebrows furrowing, “You just look a bit sick is all.”

“Oh” I murmur in response and continue fiddling with the loops of my jeans. I hadn’t realised I was doing that. “I’m fine.”

Ryan hums, “You sure about that? You seriously do look sick.”

Audrey isn’t hanging off of me anymore and has moved onto having an arm slung around both William and Gabe who are, questionably, making out a tiny bit. Ryan and I have fallen a step behind.

“I’m good, just uh, not very used to this,” I say, waving a hand around. The world looks shaky and I can’t tell if it’s the club music doing that or the pot that’s slowly been hitting me.

“Getting high or being in places like this?” He asks, a beer tightly gripped in his hand where two of his nails are painted black. He’s 21, has holes in his jeans and keeps getting cooler.

“Uh, high,” I feel like I’m blushing, “Can I tell you a secret?”

I’ve leaned in close now, my chest brushing against Ryan’s arm because I’m on my tippy toes. Ryan nods.

“This is only my second time getting high,” I giggle out, wrapping a hand around Ryan’s bicep where I can feel he’s looking. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing but I think it’s working.

“Second? Jesus christ,” Ryan shakes his head and smiles, “Well then at least it means you’re having more fun than everyone else here right now.”

I’m not sure if that’s true, but I feel pretty goddamned good right now so maybe it is.

“Hey Rybear,” I say, “Can I call you Rybear?”

Ryan looks a bit shocked but nods his head anyway. Apparently when I’m high I start to make overly close friends from strangers. 

“Can I tell you another secret?”

Ryan looks exhausted but I’m too high to give much of a fuck about what he thinks. He has a hint of intrigue in his honey eyes, though. 

“I lied to you,” I say and my head feels like I might drift away at any minute now. I feel light.

“What do you mean?” Ryan asks and before I can give him a good, proper answer, Audrey and Gabe are calling us over and I’m suddenly distracted.

Gabe wipes his mouth when we walk up and I think he thinks we didn’t see him and William going at it. Good looking guy, but awfully obnoxious and a tad thick in the skull. 

“We’re heading out now, do you wanna come back to William’s with us? He’s got this real nice apartment apparently and we can crash there if we’re too lazy to go home,” Gabe asks us.

I consider it, I think about my mum drunk off her ass at home, mentally preparing herself to go to work on Monday and grin on TV in front of thousands. I think of my little brother curled up in bed dead asleep after staying up wondering where I’ve been. I nod and tell them I’ll go with them to William’s.

So we do. The cab ride over is awfully cramped because the taxi only holds four passengers and there’s five of us, meaning Audrey sits in my lap on the way over because she’s tiny and we’re the most familiar with each other. She giggles the whole way over at something she heard Gabe say.

William’s apartment isn’t what I would call ‘real nice’ but it has it’s charm, with nice floorboards and poster covered walls. When I look to my right a giant Freddie Mercury stares me in the eyes and I assume William must be into 80’s music. These people are surprisingly good for strangers.

Gabe throws himself on the red couch in the middle of the lounge room, cuddling in on himself and whining that someone needs to hug him. Audrey calls out a loud ‘Me! Me!’ and runs over to the couch to snuggle up between Gabe and the edge. She makes friends far too easily.

William pulls out some packets of crisps and we all lay either on the floor or the couches while watching some black and white soap opera. The characters are speaking in Spanish and I could not understand them if my life depended on it. Somehow though, in my high state, it’s insanely fascinating.

Gabe knows Spanish apparently and is the only one reacting. Ryan is sat next to me, we’re both leaning against the couch that Audrey and Gabe are laying on but we’re half a metre apart.

I look at Ryan but I can’t see his eyes properly because his hair is in the way but he looks like he’s falling asleep. Maybe he gets tired when he’s high.

William is laying down directly in front of the tv stand and is fast asleep, his chest rising up and down steadily. I glance behind me to see Audrey and Gabe are turned away, facing each other and muttering about something irrelevant.

I scoot a bit to my right where I can now feel Ryan’s arm. I look up at him again and this time he’s looking at me. Weird.

His eyes are wide now and he’s most definitely awake.

“Hey, I’m gonna go and get a drink of water, want some?” I ask him, my hands casually coming up to touch his arm in suggestion. He nods.

I get up and am a little surprised to find he actually follows me. Looking through the kitchen cupboards, I finally find the glasses and take out two. I fill them up in front of the kitchen sink. I can feel Ryan standing next to me and then suddenly he’s very close.

I turn around to give him his water but can’t. He’s cornered me with my arms pressed tightly against my chest holding the cups. He looks down at them and takes both, putting them on the counter next to us.

Confusion is still sloshing around in my head and I don’t understand why Ryan is so close until suddenly it makes a bit of sense. He likes me. I think. Maybe? I don’t know how this works.

Ryan’s hand settles on my hip where I’ve jutted it out a bit and I can feel his warm breath on my neck. My pulse is quickening.

“Can I kiss you?”  

I nod hesitantly and let Ryan lean in. His lips press hard over my own and I’m still a bit baffled. Normally, I hope for my night to end like this but it never really does, so the fact that it’s actually happening is overwhelming.

Ryan’s lips are rougher than I thought they’d be, but I guess it suits his personality. He lifts his knee to rest between my thighs in a not so subtle way and I let out a reluctant and frankly embarrassing moan. Good job on making yourself not look like a virgin, dumbass. 

We continue like that, kissing a bit clumsily with Ryan near getting me off when I move my hand the wrong way and knock over one of the glasses of water next to us.

“Fuck,” I mutter, pushing Ryan away slightly and squatting down, already trying to pick up the glass.

“Hang on,” Ryan says, pulling me halfway back up by my elbow, “I’ll go find a dustpan.”

Ryan begins to look in corners and between cupboards until he finds the broom and it’s counterpart pressed in between the fridge and a cabinet. He brings it over.

“Here, let me do i-“    

“No, I’ll clean it up,” Ryan interrupts as soon as I try to take the broom from him. I furrow my brows and try my best to look intimidating.

“I’m not a kid, let me do it,” I preach as I yank the broom from his grip, sweeping as quick and intensely as I can to avoid him taking it back. I know for a fact that despite what I said, I sounded like a kid saying it. I wish I could just grow the fuck up.

Ryan’s eyes are the only thing I can feel right now, and they’re piercing into my back. It’s gotten awkward, the air feeling stiff and me feeling embarrassed because, really? I just had to knock over a glass. This stranger emo boy thinks he can kiss me and humiliate me. Asshole.

Moments later, in what is maybe the greatest moment of my life so far, Audrey comes into the room like a beacon of light.

“Hey, everything okay in here?” She asks, dainty hands peeking around the side of the old door way. I grin at her and can see her smirk a little in reaction.

“All good Auds, just dropped a cup by accident,” I reassure, stalking over to the bin to empty the dustpan into it. I hope William doesn’t mind slight water damage on his beautiful floorboards and glass in his green hippie bin.

“Oh, okay,” She mumbles, giving me a promising smile as she walks back out. I turn towards Ryan who is leaned up against the cupboards still, his arms crossed and one leg lifted casually.

“Are you and her dating?” He asks, as if it’s the most normal thing in the world. As if he expects me to make out with him in a kitchen that belongs to a virtual stranger if I’m in a relationship.

“No,” I say, “Not really.”

He looks at me a moment longer and hums in some kind of agreement. Acknowledgement. I don’t know if he still thinks I’m cool or mature enough to kiss.

“Give me your phone,” He says suddenly, interrupting my train of thought. I blink.

“Why?”

He smiles, “Don’t you want my number?”

Of course. I scoff at him but dig my beaten up phone out of my jean pocket anyway. Ryan takes it and pushes the buttons until his number is put in under the nickname “Rybear”. I’m a little bit more sober now and am only just realising what I’ve done to myself.

“You want my number?” I ask, pocketing my phone and putting my hand out. Ryan shakes his head.

“No,” I lift my eyebrows at him declining the offer, “I’ll just wait for you to call me.”

Ryan is unbelievable. I have never been so baffled by a guy I met mere hours ago. There are too many emotions running through my veins right now so I just nod my head.

Ryan smirks and walks out of the kitchen.

This is fucked.


	2. of sunrises and sundowners

By the time I wake up in the morning (afternoon?), Gabe and William are in the kitchen and Audrey has made it her goal to be as drug-fucked-scene-girl as she can get. Her thighs are on either side of my waist and I so did not agree to this.

“Brenny, wake uppppp,” she sings, leaning her face down until it’s close to mine and I can feel her breath on my lips. I blink at her sleepily and smile. She pecks my lips and everything is normal.

“Is Brendon awake?!” Gabe’s voice calls from the next room. I grunt out loudly in response while Audrey yells out a far too excitable ‘Yes!’.

I push her off me gently and stretch my back and arms, hearing the satisfying crack of my bones in succession. She gives me a smile and pulls me up by my wrist.

“Bill is making pancakes!” she tells me. The house (apartment) looks mildly trashed, with the stale smell of weed in the air. Now that I’m not drunk or high, I feel like me again. The me that is far too normal and young to be here.

Gabe laughs when we enter the kitchen. Ryan is sitting on a stool with his elbows resting on the counter, smoking a cigarette. It’s at moments like these that wish I had a camera (or a better memory).

“So, party people, now that we’re all awake, what’s today’s schedule?” Gabe interrupts, twiddling with the strings on his bright pink girly apron. I smirk at the sight.

“I, my dear Gabe, am going to be relaxing,” William says, flipping a pancake in the pan, “and none of you are going to bother me after I finish cooking these.”

“A sweet, sweet calming Sunday?” Audrey teases after a quick giggle, her fingers still enclosed around my wrist. I can feel my eyes begin to dry out from not blinking. I’m trying to take it all in too fast, my pupils darting around the room a mile a minute. I’ve known these people a day but it somehow feels like we’re meant to be acquainted. Written in the fucking stars that this impromptu hungover kitchen meeting should be happening, needs to happen.

“Sunday’s are not for relaxing, they’re for Panadol,” Ryan pipes in, turning his head to the side where I can now see the bags under his honey eyes. His eyes are so pretty, I could probably drown in them if I stuck around long enough.

Wait. Fuck.

“It’s Sunday?” I ask, a slight panic rising in the base of my throat as soon as I’m awake enough to process that this is so, so not what I need right now. “What time is it?”

The look that passes Ryan’s face is odd, his eyebrows raised and his lips parted so he can let out the smoke building up in the well of his mouth. Gabe is the one who answers.

“Uh, 11am I think.”

“Oh,” I rush to get my phone out of my pocket to confirm it is, indeed, 11am, “fuck, uh, I need to go.”

Audrey looks confused for a moment before she lets out a long sigh of realisation. Church. I’m missing fucking Church. Who even ditches their friends (?) to go to Church?

I call a cab as soon as I am calm enough to do so and apologize to everyone in the room. Audrey kisses my cheek and the others look at me a bit funny.

“Hey, uh, thanks for last night all, but I forgot I have somewhere to be,” I tell them, walking backwards in the direction of William’s front door. William smiles and tells me to come again another time while Ryan just stares.

“I’ll talk to you later, Ryan.”

It was a moment of confidence when I say it, because I know I’m half a metre away from the front door and if I leave now I don’t actually have to look at Ryan’s reaction, but I think I hear a ‘looking forward to it’ on my way out.

When I finally arrive at Church, it’s 11:08am and I’ve never been in such a rush in my life. I hop out of the cab with a quick passing of payment and slow down to a more casual stroll as I push the front doors open. Mass starts at half past ten and even though I don’t at all give one shit about god himself, I do, indeed, give a shit about keeping up appearances and not embarrassing my family to pieces.

Or maybe I don’t care about that either. I don’t even know anymore. I’ve had a hectic year.

“Brendon!” My father hisses at me as I walk up to the aisle they’re seated at, his rough hands pulling at the elbow of my sleeve to pull me down to sit next to him.

I peak just over his broad and taut shoulders to see my brother and mother perched perfectly on their chairs. I can see the dark circles under mum’s eyes and the nervousness twitching down to my brother’s hands. This family is scarred, you can tell from a kilometre away just by the way we move. Clumsy, damaged and reckless.

At least that’s what I think anyway.

The mass goes on and on and on and on and just when I think it’s never going to end, people start standing up and I make the assumption it’s over. People start chatting and planning to meet up for coffees but we don’t. My mother leads us on a path straight out of the Church and into the car and I can feel the nervousness start to build up. My finger twitches by my side.

And I was right for being nervous. We’ve been sitting in the car for about 10 seconds when Grace fucking Urie turns around in her seat and asks a hard and demanding, “Where on this earth were you, young man?”

She has that military edge to her voice, that cold and harsh tone she uses with me almost always. I gulp.

“I was at Audrey’s house and I accidentally slept in too late,” I lie, my teeth tingling as the words past from my vocal chords into the air, “I’m sorry.”

The line of her mouth is straight, she glances towards my father who’s in the driver’s seat. She tries too hard to make him parent. He doesn’t want to be my parent any more than she does.

“Well, next time, call me or yourfather, or maybe just be more organised.”

I can tell by the way she says it she tries to care, she tries so hard, but she’ll probably always care more about how we look to the other members of the church than me. Matthew and I.

I mumble out a “Yeah, okay,” and we drive home. Boyd Urie goes into his office and doesn’t come out and Grace Urie pours herself a glass of wine. I lay in bed and build up the courage to text Ryan. I don’t end up hitting send on “hey.”

 

* * *

 

 

The bus window rattles against my skull as I finally send a message to Ryan. It’s Monday morning and I’m back to my normal life, back to where I go to school, class, lunch and talk with friends like the weekend never happened. This is how every Monday goes but, maybe, I’ve taken a bit of Saturday night with me.

It’s weird, Ryan is weird. Our meeting wasn’t exactly remarkable but I feel like I know him, like he knows me. We only met a day ago.

I sent him a simple “hi its brendon -3-.”

I feel giddy and stupid. I try to think of things he likes, what did he say over the weekend? I don’t recall everything because of the foggy haze of weed that’s blocking some of the details and it’s grating on my nerves. I wish I could remember every word that came out of his mouth so I knew what to say to him.

It’s weird having made out with another human being but knowing nothing about them except that they’re pretty and 21.

The bus comes to a halt and schools starts. I meet Audrey in the hallway and we exchange smiles.

“So, party man, how did yesterday go down?” She asks from where she’s leaning up against my locker, blocking my way.

Audrey is always straight to the point. I like that about her.

“Not even a hello?” I ask and she just lets out a giggle in retort.

I sigh, “Mum didn’t really react but...” I glance down at my nails that are chipped around the edges from where I’d been biting them (the previous night, and every night before that), “But I think she was pretty mad.”

Audrey hums in understanding. She casts me a glance that shows this mischievous little glint she has in her eyes.

“So, the other thing about yesterday,” she begins and I can already feel what’s going to happen, “seemed like you and Ryan hit it off decently well.”

I wouldn’t say we hit it off. It felt more like I was his annoying little brother talking his ear off (right up until he kissed me, that is). My face feels warm at the memory of it, but I try to stay nonchalant for Audrey.

“Uh, yeah, he kissed me,” I mumble out, hoping to god that I’ll be saved by the bell but I know it’s only 8:05. Audrey’s eyebrows raise.

“Brendon!” She stage whispers, grabbing onto my arm tight. Everyday I become more and more confused as to why I chose a girl (specifically Audrey) to be my best friend (that’s more than a friend). “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?!”

“I didn’t have the time, Aud,” I reassure her, pulling her wrist off of my arm and rubbing the sore spot after.

She nods in understanding. I feel my phone buzz in my pocket, it instantly shooting a chill of nerves down my arms and back.

Rybear

8:06am

Hi Brendon, guess I have your number now :)

I grin down at my phone and ignore Audrey’s hassling.

 

* * *

 

 

When school ends, I take the bus to Matthew’s school and we walk home together. It’s the normal, seeing as mum doesn’t finish doing all the filming and whatever the other fuck until around 4pm, and dad is already back on a business trip.

The house is empty when I walk into it and my steps echo.

I respond to Ryan’s text with a “hell yeah u do :D” and a lazily taken picture of myself, my eyes tired from school and my hair mildly tossed around.

Matthew goes into his room and I go into mine, taking my shoes off and throwing them in the vague direction of the shoe rack (I miss it horribly).

Ryan responds with, “You’re wearing a uniform?”

Oh. I look at the picture again. Oops.

To Rybear

yeah, I’m a senior :(/(:((:(((( it’s depressing

From Rybear

Oh, makes sense. I’m in a lecture :( 

It seems odd. Ryan seems too cool to be in college, but I guess he has that intelligent vibe to him. I wonder what he’s studying? Law? Medicine? What if he’s studying music? Oh if he’s studying music he might just be The One. 

A picture comes in a few minutes later, it’s of Ryan, his hair swept over his forehead and his chin leaned against his palm. I am always captured by his eyes. I save it (because I like it, not because I’m creepy).

To Rybear

That sucks :( what’s ur major

From Rybear

Literature, boring I know

It’s not boring, it suits him. Poetry seems like just the thing that simultaneously gets the chicks but scares them away at the same time (good thing I’m not a girl).

I send him another picture of me and we keep going back and forth. It’s so casual and it barely feels like we’re anything more than friends (I fear that maybe we’re not).

Mum comes home and I listen to her put her keys in the bowl on the kitchen counter and then open the fridge. A clink of a glass. It’s all so, so, so typical.

I’m bored of it, completely sick of it. If I had life my way, I wouldn’t be here, in Vegas, with this goddamned family.

I consider changing Ryan’s nickname from Rybear but don’t have the heart to go through with it.

I’m beginning to learn I’m weaker than I initially thought.


End file.
